Sunday, March 11, 2007

Another chapter in the chronicles of Distructo the contractor

It appears that life has taken no swerves this time…
Yup
It just kept chugging along clicking through the usual routines…

Routine it doesn’t sell newspapers and doesn’t make for great reading on blogs. Sorry there isn’t much to report.

Well other than the fact that I have been tearing down the balloon framed walls in the apartment.

Pardon my evil cackle but it was brilliant tearing apart the dry-walling and the paper thin aluminum studs (they call them bridges here in Lebanon). SOME BRIDGE! they don’t hold anything up and they are only thick enough to run penny screws through. You have to hope it holds the drywall without backing, insulation.

Yup you got it EL CHEAPO Construction AGAIN!!!

So what did OTTER get up to?
I had them put in TWO IRON beams… FLOOR to CEILING!!!
Which of course meant cutting the board…FLOOR TO CEILING (GRIN GRIN)
So there was welding… which was hilarious because HE DIDN’T HAVE A MASK. Every time he’d go to bond the metal he would CLOSE his eyes and put his hand in front of his face…
YES troops…. BLIND WELDING… apparently it’s done often in the Middle East. Having witnessed the resulting mess and ooze where there should be smooth connected ripples I was disappointed to say the least.

After the welding was done and the mess on my floor became quite apparent; the “engineer” (as they are known in Arabic) then pushed in bolts to hold both of these metal studs into the floor and ceiling. This of course do to an allergy to measuring tapes and exact design specs came with the usual wiggling and giggling of the Arab world.
NO NOT BELLY DANCING… although this Kerish(MAN GUT) did do a lat of wobbling… The wiggling and giggling is so that it all comes out MUZBOOT (I know it’s TH in Iraq but the jobsite was in Lebanon). Of course the Arabic language allows one to zubutah meaning to make it muzboot…

Then came the other welding project of getting the actual bars to hold the bike up in place… That was in itself almost as entertaining as watching the poor guy cut into the drywall with his jeans and long sleeve jumper come out looking like he was the Pillsbury dough boy.

Of course we had to cut holes in the two planks of drywall we had ripped out but all in all the entire operation was part three ring circus… part engineering make do cause it’s all we got nightmare… and part fancy dress Halloween masquerade ball.

Oh, and that NOTHING seems to have solved the situation of the seeping fistula…. rusty pipes above my bathroom.

Yes I have attempted to contact my plumbing wasta ( WASTA (pl. WASTAAT) def. = vile Italian mobster style connection that always seems to have a slithery way around whatever problem you face) but the dude isn’t exactly your regular cell phone carrying kinda guy.

Then come the bike cleanings… My poor Natoor seems to be obsessing about getting out on the bike with me. Poor guy doesn’t realize I’m going to end up cranking him over for a good hour ride of climbs within the city and then toss him back into the apartment building gasping for breath… What the hell maybe I’ll spring for some spinning shoes for him just to witness the whole affair!

Hmmm bike discussions…
Enter the monkey society theorem…. No this isn’t an Otter special… this is someone else spouting off about the behavior in this country…
I would put it at a more polite PRIMA DONNA IT IS as to the Lebanese condition but this dude posited the perspective that Lebanese behave like self centered monkeys. No rules apply concerning their own values… ME first then a long and distance second come those related by blood… followed by those related to me through religion/politics( the two are sooo messily stuck together in Lebanon it’s impossible to have the populous see they are two different things) and then of course that is all… The rest of us who don’t make it into those circles can go screw ourselves.
He stated that Lebanon was a Ghetto…
It’s the Arab 50 cent…
You don’t like my opinion… me and my homies are more in number than yours…
(Because MORE obviously = RIGHT)
and I got me a gun
and I’m going to shoot you cause you don’t agree with me…
I am right cause I said so…
Yup
Democracy…
Or the furthest thing from it..
The point he pinned it all on
was that Civilization is not based upon education or even construction…
It is based upon selflessness for the greater good…
The Lebanese he claims are cripples in this aspect…
I was shocked….
I disagreed because it felt wrong… but then I remembered a table scene…
I was surrounded by Lebanese and they were all grabbing the food… They all went for the BITS they enjoyed FIRST…
It was grab what I like screw it if other people like those parts too…
So basically your beloved author ended up eating chicken spine and dry breast meat… They didn’t bother wasting the precious oxygen which appears to be in short supply in Lebanon to ask…
It didn’t cross their minds…
It was a grab fest… scary and sad…

The political situation appears disgustingly similar… There is no compromise… NONE it is merely repeat the party line… Horrific…

Then of course there are the streets
and the driving…

The fact that there is a time when it is good to be Arab and another time when it isn’t and because I can I will hop back and forth between the two ensuring they maintain their own personal benefit.

I clammed up… As NASTY and as CAUSTIC as it was… There was a truth behind it…

I know this remark will raise the bristles of many a Lebanese hedgehog
but guys
PLEASE…
For the good of yourselves….
STOP THINKING ABOUT ONLY YOURSELVES FIRST!!!!
I know it is hard… It may ache like that first day at the gym… but it will be refreshing…eventually.

So from the coffee shop here on Hamra where the only fresh air you find is from the filter end of a cigarette thanks to the horrific situation and lack of non-smoking sections your beloved author who now smells like a smoked salmon… Has decided to sign off…COUGH… COUGH… GASP...

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