Thursday, February 16, 2006

Mummy they are talking siyaseeya AGAIN!

Well after The Great Blog symposium number 18534-a
that took place somewhere in the secret cave base
on mount Ungunakitaki (the second K is silent)
at some undisclosed coordinates longitude and latitude…..
we have decided…..
Bloggers love politics!
Well we like to talk about it.
Ok.. ok… we like to BS about it.
“Here in Lebanon there are,” as one of my esteemed blog-aholics said, “two things to watch sports and politics.” I would add soap operas but those seem to have taken a back seat to politics these days.
For me the whole region seems quite a simple expedition in follow the money and where’s Waldo the Ossama Bin Laden version.
But on to other topics. I think I got completely tired of that topic around the end of the second straight hour.
On this blog… the weather has been covered
and so has Taxi, fitness, building, and topics of interest concerning the “program” I seem to be signed up for at school.

Now how about a little restaurant rating….

Let us begin with Bliss street.

It’s an actual road that we were subjected to in the marathon but when you mention food on bliss you are talking…. the spot across from AUB.

Note the Lebanese attention span rules here so maybe these restaurants will be closed five seconds after I post a rating on them.

Beginning with some of the classic favorites seems to be the best bet so why not cover..SAGE…

Now for the uninitiated a “sage” is basically a giant tortilla cooked on top of an upside-down radar dish. Now the high-tech tool used to flip your tortilla on such a “high tech” piece of cooking equipment is best described as… A HAIRY PAW. That’s right it’s the same one that gladly accepts your grubby 1thou.
It’s ok kids…Think of the piles of bacteria laden sputum that some poor kid who gave you the change hacked onto your blue… turned soot grey… 1000 Lira bill as… SPICES.

Now of the selections available at the local 2 SAGE’s are available only at a specific coordination of planetary alignments tidal patterns and the mood of your beloved paint scraper wielding SAGE CHEF.

Basically after 1:30 if you want it they just ran out.
You end up getting cheese or zaatar.
Now for the cheese…our beloved Chef
ALWAYS
and I do mean 100% of the time
will pile on the white greasy stuff so that it is guaranteed the middle will not melt and the resulting landslide melted goodies will sentence your pile of of white puss…er… I mean cheese juice to attack your favorite clothes like Jackie Chan the bad guys.
This famous combination is worthless if taken straight or ADI .
Your brave author who survived on these (3000 calorie a piece) things during finals recommends mint, tomato, and olives (zaytoon, banadoora, and na` na`
This combination unlike the cucumber DOES NOT SCREW UP THE SADWICH with a unfit CRUNCHY texture stuck in the middle of the gooshy stuff.

The best bet is to get a paper bag that will turn greasy in its kamikaze effort to protect your clothes. The grease and juice will then spread to your hand where you discover you have forgotten your wad of Kleenex has nestled its way into the comfort of your pocket.
As you know you will have a handprint of grease on your slacks so there you are stuck with… stained… either way… pants.
MUHAHAAHAA the SAGE NAZI’S efforts are MOST EFFECTIVE!

You may have avoided the above situation and counted yourself among the weasley ones however…. there is always the explosive version!
This tale… is one of woe… and… possibly blinding consequences.
Yes you guessed it.
The swarthiest looking section of your will suffer an aneurism.
The resulting eruption of either blistering of freezing cold cheese juice will blind the person you attempt to enjoy such food with.
So you get GUILT AND STAINS.

Speaking on the zaatar… Now zaatar… in the traditional sense… is a mix of sesame seeds and Fresh Thyme that results in an interesting spicy combination applied with dollops of oil.

My actual experience with it here in Lebanon has been a GREAT DISSAPPOINTMENT.

Most often the carbonized moped brake crumbs
used in its concoction are mixed with
10W-30 motor oil is enough to make your heart stop looking at it.
The fact that the thyme came from a secret stash of marijuana intended for the pharaoh Ramses The Second probably explains its horrific bitter aftertaste.
In short avoid it unless your local Lebanese “Teta” (translation Granny) made it THAT MORNING!”

Should you have the unfortunate fate of going the meat route I blame any issues your digestive tract may present to you as being silly enough to think that a hot satellite dish would somehow “irradiate” the germs to the planet lepton… instead of enabling them to gain the powers of the Incredible Hulk.

2 Comments:

Blogger [ j i m m y ] said...

well i guess you haven't found the right places to eat saj, zaatar or jebneh yet,

and i also think you've missed quite a lot of good lebanese olive oil, since u dare comparing it to 10W-30 motor oil.

well anyway...

9:53 PM, February 16, 2006  
Blogger otterinaround said...

I would never compare the quality olive oils found in Lebanon just the ones I got subjected to at the restaurant Sage on Bliss. Please keep visiting for more scathing restaurant ratings by a retired Chef.

10:05 AM, February 17, 2006  

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